An old Instagram post about solo polyamory has gone viral as of late, often with derision. The post – which depicts a series of infographics explaining the concept – is being mocked by people who don’t view polyamorous people favorably.
But what exactly is solo polyamory?
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Solo polyamory has a broad meaning. It’s not so much a relationship structure as it is a way to handle the differing dynamics in polyamorous relationships. It means prioritizing yourself above all other relationships and placing value on your independence without being reliant on other people.
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In practical terms, this means you’re likely not going to share your finances with anyone and that you’re going to explore multiple dynamics without necessarily sharing your entire life with anyone else. A typical solo poly person lives alone, doesn’t form families, and places their future in their own control.
However, some solo poly people are married, have kids, and do have nesting partners, making it a term that’s extremely fluid in how it can be applied. The only requirement for solo poly is that you focus on your own independence in your exploration of poly relationships, meaning that you don’t have to be tied to one specific relationship model.
Another key component is that there’s no expectation for different partners to interact with one another, meaning that different relationships are often kept entirely distinct. But this doesn’t give a free pass to cheat – there’s still the requirement for heavy communication and transparency with each partner.
Most solo poly people don’t aim to get into closed relationships or get involved in the so-called “relationship escalator,” where people progress into varying tiers of involvement with one another. They place their value in relationships on themselves and expect support in that from other partners as well.
Some misconceptions include the idea that solo polyamory means someone is single. While it’s true someone single can be solo poly, this is not a requirement. Many solo poly people are in committed relationships. It also doesn’t just mean someone wants casual hookups, and it doesn’t mean that someone is looking to be selfish, either.
It also doesn’t mean there is no commitment or attachment. In reality, there can be immense commitment involved with these sorts of dynamics, with each relationship often developing into its own unique tie. It all depends on the boundaries set by everyone involved.
There’s not a right way to do solo polyamory, and it can be just as fruitful as any other type of relationship. Contrary to all the memes, it’s something that can be amazingly helpful for people trying to understand the type of relationship that works best for them.
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