Aug 27, 2023; Los Angeles, California, USA; Sophia bush looks on during the game between OL Reign and Angel City FC at BMO Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports Photo: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports
Actress Sophia Bush has come out as queer at age 41 after rumors of a relationship between her and soccer star Ashlyn Harris began swirling last year.
Bush’s essay in Glamour magazine details the immense pain she felt during her year-long marriage to entrepreneur Grant Hughes, as she knew something wasn’t right but felt completely trapped. She also expressed her profound love for Harris and emphasized that both of them were already deep into their respective divorces — including Harris’s from fellow soccer star Ali Krieger — before they fell in love. When folks first began to suspect their relationship, there was a lot of speculation that it was born of a cheating situation.
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“People looking in from the outside weren’t privy to just how much time it took, how many painful conversations were had,” she said. “A lot of effort was made to be graceful with other people’s processing, their time, and obligations, and their feelings.”
“[In] what felt like seconds after I started to see what was in front of me, the online rumor mill began to spit in the ugliest ways,” Bush wrote.
She said it took her over a year of doing “the most soul-crushing work” of her life to decide to leave her marriage. She added that her decision was not at all “based on some hysterical rendezvous” that “never happened.”
“Just because I didn’t want to process my realizations in real time on social media and spell them out for the world doesn’t mean the journey wasn’t long and thoughtful and exhaustive,” she noted.
Bush also detailed falling in love with Harris.
“I don’t know how else to say it other than: I didn’t see it until I saw it. And I think it’s very easy not to see something that’s been in front of your face for a long time when you’d never looked at it as an option and you had never been looked at as an option,” she wrote.
She called their first date — a four-and-a-half-hour meal — “one of the most surreal experiences” of her life.
“For a sparkly moment I felt like maybe the universe had been conspiring for me,” she said. “And that feeling that I have in my bones is one I’ll hold on to no matter where things go from here.”
She also expressed resentment for still having to come out in 2024, but acknowledged the importance of doing so amidst the hostile anti-LGBTQ+ climate being perpetuated by Republican lawmakers.
“For that reason, I want to give the act of coming out the respect and honor it deserves,” she said. “I’ve experienced so much safety, respect, and love in the queer community, as an ally all of my life, that, as I came into myself, I already felt it was my home. I think I’ve always known that my sexuality exists on a spectrum. Right now I think the word that best defines it is queer. I can’t say it without smiling, actually. And that feels pretty great.”
“I am so lucky to be here, now,” she added. “I have real joy. It took me 41 years to get here. And while I marvel at it, I will also make space for people’s pain. But I will not carry anyone’s projected shame. When I take stock of the last few years, I can tell you that I have never operated out of more integrity in my life. I hope that’s clear enough for everyone speculating out there, while being as gentle as I possibly can be.”
Bush compared coming out to recovering from trauma and she feels like she can finally breathe.
“I don’t think I can explain how profound that is. I feel like I was wearing a weighted vest for who knows how long. I hadn’t realized how heavy it was until I finally just put it down,” she wrote.
“It is so, so scary to do the brave thing, to say, ‘I’m just not happy.’ Especially if you’re in a partnership and you have to say it first,” she added. “But if you do it, you get the chance to be happy. To find your joy.”
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